Here With Me
by ghostingthroughlife
Summary: Based on the song "Here With Me" by the Killers. One-shot. AU. Rachel doesn't want to come home for Thanksgiving because seeing Quinn is too hard for her. But will a realization change her mind? Faberry.


_Wheels are turning_

_I remember when you were mine_

It's the day before thanksgiving. Rachel walks alone down 8th Avenue. She's so tempted to take a cab to the airport or to Penn Station. She feels like she should go home to Ohio. But she can't. It's too hard on her.

She knows that if she were to go home, she'd see everything in Lima that she wanted to push out of her mind. Of course she'd love to see her dads, and Kurt already left to see his dad and Carole, so she's alone in the city. Yet, she can't go back to Lima.

_Now just to reach you_

The reason she can't go is Quinn Fabray. Quinn Fabray is back in Lima for the holiday. She knows so because Santana casually mentioned it to her.

Rachel loves Quinn. Oh how she loves her so. She had her at one point in time. Senior year. Rachel Berry used to call Quinn Fabray hers. But she can't do that anymore.

Going back to Lima would put the hurt back into her already sunken heart. She's so close, yet so far away.

_Baby, I'd stand in line_

Ever since the accident, Quinn became guarded around Rachel. Shutting her out completely in the end. What Quinn never understood is that Rachel would wait forever for her to do anything.

_But there's another world_

_We're living in_

_Tonight_

The world is lonely to Rachel now. A year ago, she was the happiest she'd ever been. Now look at her.

Sure, she has friends. She has a few from college, and Kurt, as well as Finn, Puck, and even Santana.

It's just not the same as it was a year ago. One year ago, to the day, Quinn Fabray gave her everything. She gave her purpose, direction, happiness, and above all love.

It was unexpected. Quinn admitted to being in love with Rachel after Rachel saved her from ruining Beth and Shelby. She apologized for everything horrible she'd ever done. Rachel held her as she cried away her sorrows.

It was the first moment that Rachel Berry felt at home. She loved Quinn ever since she laid eyes on her, only more so when she got to see this vulnerable side to the beautiful blonde.

Quinn waltzed into Rachel's life that day, only to walk out 7 months later, leaving Rachel lost.

_And there's another heart_

_That's fading in_

_The light_

What Rachel doesn't know is how hard it was for Quinn to let go of her. Quinn was, and is, scared because she didn't want to screw up Rachel's life.

Quinn dealt with a lot of her self-hatred over the summer, but she can't bring herself to talk to Rachel again. She stayed away then because she didn't want to hurt the girl, and now all she knows is how much she really did.

Quinn's heartbreak is more painful than ever before.

_Don't want your picture_

_On my cell phone_

Rachel had considered calling Quinn during the first week of college. She was just so alone that she became desperate, completely ignoring the fact that Quinn told her to leave her alone and never speak to her again.

As soon as Rachel picked up her phone to dial the familiar number, she saw the picture still saved for Quinn's contact.

The blonde had her arms wrapped around Rachel's body, with her face snuggled into Rachel's neck.

Seeing that, Rachel jumped back. All the hurt came flooding back. _It hurts too much._

_I want you here with me_

Quinn goes to Yale, and despite the fact that she hadn't seen Rachel in a few months, she was tempted to use the metro pass between New Haven and New York that she had purchased for herself and Rachel when they got their acceptance letters.

She was hoping to spot the girl from a distance, just needing to know if she was safe and doing okay. It was peace of mind for Quinn.

She took the train in early October. She got to New York, bringing with her only a heavy heart. She walked up and down Broadway for hours and even spent some time sitting in Times Square, hoping to catch at least a glimpse to know her girl was okay.

She never saw her.

_Don't want your memory_

Rachel tried to block out all of the memories of their happiness together, but she failed miserably.

She sees their first kiss, and their last. She sees their first date, and their last. She sees their first time making love, and their last. She hears the first "I love you", as well as the "Don't come back." She sees her love welcome her in, only to push her away again.

She cries at the memories, but they are something to hold on to, to let Rachel know that it was real.

It was real between them. The good moments and the bad.

_In my head now_

Quinn spends the day before thanksgiving in thought. She knows why Rachel isn't here. It's because she's here. The memory of the day she left haunts her. Her dreams have only become nightmares.

_I want you here with me_

Rachel sighs. "I wish you were here," she says to no one but the sky.

_Spent the summer, just laying out in the sun_

Their first kiss happened rather spontaneously. After Quinn admitted her feelings, Rachel stood mouth agape. She didn't know what to say. So she didn't speak.

Instead, she crashed her lips hungrily into the soft ones of her former tormentor. It ignited a spark within her, and now nothing will ever feel better.

_Time seems to move so slow_

It's been so long since either of them saw each other. Sure, Rachel and Quinn saw each other at graduation, but they hadn't really looked at each other since _that_ day.

It feels like forever ago to Quinn. She's starting to forget the details of Rachel, the way hers eyes twinkle when she smiles, the feel of her fingertips on Quinn's face, and the way her hair looks when she wakes up in the morning.

These details which Quinn desperately wanted to keep seem to be the only ones fading away, leaving only the hurt behind.

_When you're taking it as it comes_

_Maybe we were just too young_

Rachel remembers the moments that made her fall in love with Quinn. The way she smiled at her, the way she said her name, the way she wore her hair, the way she was so scared to ask Rachel on a date even though they had already proclaimed their love for each other.

Her hazel eyes became her anchors.

As Rachel remembers the last time she saw those hazel eyes, the smile on her face fades. _Maybe we were just too young._

_Your body was tanned and your hair was long_

_You showed me your smile and my cares were gone_

Another memory forces itself into Rachel's conscious mind.

A memory of blonde hair, sweat, and skin.

Rachel was scared to give Quinn everything, but her worries faded away with Quinn's devotion to her. With each kiss placed on Rachel's skin, Rachel worried less and less, until all that remained was desire and love for the girl above her. She doesn't regret giving Quinn everything.

_Falling in love filled my soul with fright_

_You said "Come on babe, it'll be alright"_

Quinn tried so hard to live up to Rachel's expectations of her. She wanted to give the girl the whole world. She loved her so much. But self-doubt ultimately won out, leaving them both with nothing.

_I must have been a fool to the bitter end_

_Now I hold on to hope to have you back again_

If Rachel had come home for Thanksgiving, Quinn would have told her how sorry she was for her abandonment, how much she regrets it, how much she still loves her, and how much she has grown.

But Rachel isn't in Lima.

_I'd bargain and I'd fight_

If Rachel were in Lima, Quinn would tell her everything. She would fight for her the way she should have 5 months ago. She should fight for both of their sakes.

Quinn Fabray would fight, but Rachel's not here, so she can't.

_But there's another world_

_We're living in_

_Tonight_

Rachel knew that Quinn could fall into a trap and never feel good enough. Rachel knew that was why she left 5 months ago. It didn't ease her heartache.

But what about Quinn's heartache?

Quinn made promises of love forever. Rachel believed them. Quinn had no reason to lie. But she hated herself for not being good enough for Rachel.

_Quinn must be heartbroken_, Rachel realizes. _And I never stopped to tell her_ why _she deserves my love._

Quinn never thought she deserved Rachel's love. Her guilt ran too deep, her insecurities destroying the only true happiness she had felt since she gave birth to Beth.

_Don't want your picture_

_On my cell phone_

_I want you here with me_

Rachel feels guilty for not explaining everything to the one person she truly loved.

She looks through the old pictures she still has saved to her phone. Pictures from then. For the first time in months, she genuinely smiles at the sight of them together instead of vomiting.

She has been walking for several blocks now, not really paying attention to where. When she looks up, she sees a sign. A sign that today is the day to fight.

She's standing in front of Penn Station.

_I don't want your memory_

_In my head now_

_I want you here with me_

Rachel manages to catch a train that was leaving five minutes from when she arrived. She has to be on the train for 11 hours, so she's glad that she doesn't have to wait longer than 5 minutes in the station.

It may be 6 at night on the day before Thanksgiving, but she knows she'll be home early tomorrow morning, and that thought makes her feel giddy. Almost like she is about to get a leading role in some musical.

Rachel is excited to go home. Her life finally feels like it has purpose again. Purpose because of Quinn.

_Well I saw you in a restaurant_

_The other day_

Quinn tries to remember the last time she saw the small brunette. It was after graduation sometime. She had gone out for brunch at her and Rachel's favorite vegan place in Lima.

It was the only thing that had made her feel more like herself. After she had eaten and paid, she saw a glimpse of the broken girl.

Rachel was with her fathers and although she looked okay to the rest of the world, Quinn could tell she wasn't.

Her eyes didn't twinkle like they used to.

_And instead of walking towards you_

_I ran away_

Quinn wanted to escape the restaurant to avoid the three of them. She had actually grown close to Hiram and Leroy when she was dating Rachel. And now more than ever, she felt guilty. Knowing that she was the reason that so many bad things have happened to Rachel.

Swallowing her shame, Quinn walked out the back exit.

_And I'll keep on waiting for you_

_Till you'll come around_

_Come around and say_

Despite needing to sleep, Rachel stays up on the train. Lost in thought. How could she not be there for the one person who needed her most? Quinn was struggling. She was in a wheelchair, in a world of self-loathing, in a world where she felt that she wasn't good enough. Because people kept cutting her down and telling her how unworthy she was.

Rachel had tried to boost her up in the past. It was part of what Quinn had said made her fall in love with Rachel. Rachel's ability to believe in anyone. It's not that Quinn felt like Rachel didn't believe in her. It's that she didn't believe in herself.

Quinn became guarded and pushed Rachel away because she didn't know how to believe in herself.

Rachel feels sick from the realization that never occurred to her before today.

_Don't want your picture_

_On my cell phone_

_I want you here with me_

Rachel's train arrives at 5 in the morning. She calls her daddy to come pick her up. He's surprised, but glad that she did actually come home.

As soon as she sees both of her parents, she breaks down.

"I'm so sorry, dad and daddy."

"Shh, it's okay, baby girl."

"It was my fault. It was all my fault," she sobs into her father's shoulder. He has an idea of what she is talking about. He hasn't seen her this emotional since _that_ day.

"It's okay. We will help you figure it out. We love you, Rach." She nods.

_Don't need those memories_

_In my head now_

_I want you here with me_

Rachel takes a three hour nap when she gets home. When she wakes, she feels optimistic. Like today something would change. After she's taken her shower and gotten dressed, she tells her dads that she is going to the park to do a quick walk instead of working out on her eliptical.

Halfway through her walk, she decides that if anything is going to change, she has to make it happen.

Despite how hard it is to pick up her phone, she does. She dials Quinn's cellphone number and waits with bated breath.

On the third ring, she hears a tentative "hello?"

"Quinn. It's so good to hear your voice." Rachel's voice is thick with emotion.

"Yours too, Rach. It's been so long," Quinn says awkwardly.

"As much as I'd like to ask how you are, I'd rather just get straight to the point," Rachel says rather quickly. "I'm in Lima. I hear that you're in town. I was wondering if you'd maybe want to, I don't know, talk."

She's holding her breath as she waits for a response that she feels will never come.

"I'd love to," Quinn says.

"Do you want to go somewhere?"

"You can come here if you'd like?" she asks. "Judy is out getting stuff for our small dinner." Rachel can hear the smile to her tone, and that makes her smile too.

"I'll be there in 10 minutes, okay?"

"Sounds good," Quinn replies. She waits a second before saying, "Rach?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you for calling."

With that Rachel smiles wider than she thought possible and hangs up.

_Ooooh!_

_Ooooh!_

_Here with me_

Rachel gets to Quinn's house and hesitates before knocking on the door. _This is it. This is really it. I am going to see her again_. She never thought she would.

She knocks. Not even two seconds later, the blonde answers the door. Her hair is longer, but she's still so beautiful.

Rachel does her best to curb her urge to reach out and hug the girl of her dreams.

"So, you want to talk?" Quinn is smiling, and she has an eyebrow arched.

"Um, yeah. I've been thinking a lot about you. And I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry." Rachel says sheepishly.

"Why are you sorry?" Quinn frowns.

"Because I should have told you why you were the most deserving girl in the world. Why you are the most deserving girl in the world."

"Rachel, what I did to you was horrible. I regret it everyday. I don't know how you could possibly forgive me and think it is your fault." Quinn looks uneasy.

"Quinn, you have to understand, everything happened so fast. We both had issues. You know this. But what matters is that I loved you. I still love you."

Quinn's heart feels as though it may stop. "I've waited so long to hear you say those words. I still love you too, but these problems that we had don't just go away."

Rachel was crying, but they were happy tears. "No, they don't. But I'd rather work with them than have nothing without you."

Quinn nods. It's silent for a few minutes, both absorbing each other's presence.

"I know we had our issues, but I want you to know that I have been seeing my therapist again. She's been helping me a lot," Quinn says, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"I'm so proud of you. I've always been proud of you, of who you are. I wish I had shown it more."

"That means a lot to me. More than you know." Quinn is calm. "So we made a few mistakes, but you're here now. That's what counts, right?"

"I came back to tell you that I love you and I don't want to be without you anymore. I can't promise that I won't make another mistake, but I will do my best to fight for you. If there is anyone in the world who deserves it, it's you."

Quinn closes her eyes and releases a shaky breath. "I love you too."

Rachel leans in and feels time slow. She never thought she'd experience this again. Her lips gently brush against the blonde's. The second that contact is made, they find their way home.

After spending another hour together, Rachel has to leave for her Thanksgiving dinner. Rachel instantly falls in love all over again when the blonde holds her coat out for her to slip into. It's like their first date all over again.

They agree that Judy and Quinn should come over to the Berry's after their thanksgiving dinners.

She kisses Quinn goodbye, but this time, it's only for a few hours.

_Ooooh!_

_Ooooh!_

_Ooooh!_

That night, Quinn and Rachel are cuddled up next to each other on the Berry's couch, just like old times. They both talked to their parents during dinner about this situation, and Judy, Hiram, and Leroy were all glad. They could see the love and just prayed that one day the two girls would find their way back to each other.

"I'd like to propose a toast," Quinn says. "It's Thanksgiving today, and I can't be more thankful for Rachel having the courage to reach out to me." She looks adoringly at Rachel, completely forgetting there are other people in the room.

Rachel just responds, "There's no place I would rather be right now than here with you."

Instead of drinking to the toast, they kiss on it.

_Here with me_


End file.
